Twenty onE

I remember thinking, "How do you know if she is THE ONE?"

So many decisions we make are connected to the battle in our brain and/or our bodies over what we know and what we feel.  Is it simply KNOWING she is the one or is it FEELING that she is the one?

Or is the success or failure of a marriage based on believing that no matter how bad it gets, no matter what my spouse does, I commit to "till death do us part?"  What if you were asked before you got married to write down a list of things that would be the last straw?  The thing that opens the secret passage way out of the hell you are living through in your marriage?  What would you write down?  I've never asked a couple in pre-marital counseling to do this, but I probably should.  If we were honest, what would we put on our list?

With her permission, I tell this true story- A good friend of mine had an affair.  After years of marriage, she looked somewhere beside her husband for fulfillment.  She told her husband what was going on, expecting he would send her way.  He didn't.  By God's grace, they are still together today.

I want that kind of marriage.  Sound crazy?  I do not want to have to experience everything they have had to go through.  But I want the strength to forgive; the resolve to persevere when everything in me wants to run away.

Will I stay or will I go?  I haven't had to face that question...yet.  Hope I won't ever have to.  I know what I think I would answer, but I also know that like so many things in life, you don't know until you face it for real.

I thank God and I thank Sal for 21 amazing years of marriage.  I know I will have to battle as hard or harder over the remainder of my life to protect this relationship.  I am thankful to the men who have supported me and kept me accountable as I battle my addiction to porn.  God has used them to protect me from so many terrible choices and consequences.

I love you, Sally Glanzer.  You are THE ONE.